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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528863">blades and thorns</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/21tales/pseuds/21tales'>21tales</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama, Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brought to you by Spite(TM), F/F, Falling In Love, Gender Issues, Homophobia, I MEAN. this is a utena au this will have some of the...themes, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Misgendering, Misogyny, Nonbinary Character, Premarital hand-holding, Suicide Attempt, Transphobia, basically rgu rewritten with the main characters being kyutae, main characters get engaged - trauma ensues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:16:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,408</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23528863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/21tales/pseuds/21tales</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>shimura tae is the rose bride and yagyuu kyuubei, a revolutionary duelist.</p><p>[ a kyuutae utena au | contains major spoilers to the anime series, "revolutionary girl utena" ]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shimura Tae/Yagyuu Kyuubei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the rose bride</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>utena and gintama are two of my favourite series of all time and kyutae holds a special place in my heart. i thought their story would be interesting in a setting like ohtori and the result was this fic! </p><p>you'll find that this fic is not very different from the rgu anime, which is true. i only changed certain things here and there which would apply to kyuubei and tae. just because the changes are subtle doesn't mean they're easy to decipher (or easy to write about, for that matter).</p><p>that being said, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>00.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Once upon a time, years and years ago, there was a princess and she was very sad for she had been abducted by bandits. She had been kept locked up in a room for several weeks, with no contact with the outside world!  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Before her appeared a travelling prince on a white horse, who defeated all the bandits to save her and set her free from captivity. He had a regal bearing and a kind smile. The prince wrapped the princess in a rose-scented embrace and gently wiped the tears from her eyes.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Little one,” the prince said to the princess, “who lived alone in such deep sorrow. Never lose your strength or your nobility as you grow up. I give you this ring to remember this day. It will lead you to me, and we will meet again.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Perhaps what the prince gave to her was an engagement ring. That was all well and good but so impressed by the prince was she, that the princess vowed to become a prince herself one day! </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em> But was that really a good idea? </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>01.</b>
</p>
<p>Yagyuu Kyuubei stands in front of the mirror, buttoning up their dark blue blazer over their red shorts. As they comb through their dark, long hair, they catch a glimpse of Tae straightening the creases of her green skirt. Their gaze lingers for a while until Tae herself notices Kyuubei’s eyes on her and she looks up, smiling. Kyuubei responds with an awkward nod and quickly looks away, their cheeks gaining temperature.</p>
<p>It’s strange, living with a girl like this. It’s strange being <em> engaged </em> , whatever that means. It was only by luck that Kyuubei won that first duel. They simply participated in that duel to teach a rich brat a lesson. It didn’t really <em> mean </em> anything to them. </p>
<p>It’s strange trying to maintain conversation with her. No matter how much Kyuubei tries to probe and question Tae, she would just give that same smile. It’s always the same, empty response and Kyuubei doesn’t know how to go beyond that. They want Tae to open up, to make friends, but the more time Kyuubei spends with her, the more they realise that maybe even she doesn’t know what being “true” to herself means.</p>
<p>The Rose Bride is a mystery and it wouldn’t be an understatement that she brings a feeling of discomfort in Kyuubei. </p>
<p>“Kyuubei-sama, I’ve packed your bag.” Tae is now standing beside them, holding out Kyuubei’s school bag. “I even prepared lunch. I hope you like it.” </p>
<p>Kyuubei shakes off their momentary surprise with a shrug and sighs. “Tae, you know you don’t have to do that every time.” </p>
<p>“But we’re engaged. It is my job to—”</p>
<p>“Serve me, yes.” Kyuubei takes the bag from her. “You don’t have to. Think for yourself for once.”</p>
<p>The empty smile returns to her face framed by her brown locks. “I will. If that’s what you want, Kyuubei-sama.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I—” Another sigh. “Whatever. Let’s go. We’ll be late for class.”</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>02.</b>
</p>
<p>It is a hot, sultry day. The sky is bright and cloudless, the sun’s heat merciless. As tempting as it is to head back to their room in the comfort of air-conditioning, Kyuubei watches Tae from the shadows of the school corridor as she tends to the flowers in the greenhouse. Tae disappears behind some plants with her watering can and after a long moment comes back into Kyuubei’s view with gardening scissors, making her way towards the rose bushes.</p>
<p>Afternoons like these are the only time Kyuubei gets to witness Tae doing something out of her own accord and it makes them feel a little relieved.  Watching her like this seems to calm them down as well, because it affirms that there is something in Tae worth fighting for. It seems unethical to Kyuubei to fight over the possession of Tae with fellow classmates but as long as Tae is with them, they can let her be herself. Kyuubei doesn’t care for the power the other duelists are fighting for.</p>
<p>All they can do is allow Tae to be like this, get as close to ‘normal’ as possible.</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>03.</b>
</p>
<p>It’s hard to forget. Kyuubei may have won today but it’s hard to forget the duel where they lost. It’s hard to forget when Tae walked away and clinged to her opponent as Kyuubei helplessly watched, calling after her. All sense of familiarity and comfort was gone. “Kyuubei-sama” turned into “Kyuubei-kun.” Even the empty smile disappeared. There was nothing. Tae became a stranger; an entirely new person. All the days they spent together were nothing but trivial memories. Every moment they shared was for naught and just like that, Tae was gone. Their hopes of getting closer to their Prince was gone.</p>
<p>That day, Kyuubei realised that losing a duel meant losing <em> everything </em>.</p>
<p>Kyuubei hadn’t been with the Rose Bride for much time, but the thought of losing her again was terrifying. It was like losing a part of themself, drifting further from the prince they desired to become. </p>
<p>That has changed now. They’re back on their path. </p>
<p>The sky is gradually growing darker as Kyuubei walks across the school fields. They are tired and every part of their body carries a dull ache from the duel. The shallow cut on their cheek needs tending to, the rip in their sleeve needs to be sewn shut, and their numb limbs need a long, long shower.</p>
<p>They hear footsteps approach from the corridor beside them, anchoring their drifting thoughts. A figure steps out from the shadows and Kyuubei, on realising who it is, sighs in relief.</p>
<p>“Let’s go home, Tae,” they greet her, the corners of their lips curling into a smile. </p>
<p>The Rose Bride is carrying a first aid kit. Her brows are pulled down in concern but, for just a moment, there is also a gleam in her eyes. Kyuubei could’ve well imagined it, though. </p>
<p>“Home, it is, Kyuubei-sama.”</p>
<p>Her voice. It makes Kyuubei’s heart do strange things. They ignore the foreign feeling and join Tae as they walk back to their room together. </p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>04.</b>
</p>
<p>Kyuubei will protect the Rose Bride the only way they know how: through these duels. Shimura Tae's heart is one that can be easily owned by anyone who could win a duel and the bitter thought remains in Kyuubei's mind. They will keep winning to make sure Tae doesn't end up devoting herself to the wrong person. They lost her once. They can’t lose her again.</p>
<p>Tae's obedience and her devotion to her master—her <em>Prince</em>—makes Kyuubei uneasy no matter how they look at it and no matter how much they try to suppress that feeling. It has been weeks but Kyuubei still isn't sure of the power Tae holds, they're still not sure of <em>so many things</em>, but they'll fight tooth and nail to keep it. For Tae, for the person she could become, for the person she wants to be. </p>
<p>The castle looms ominously above Kyuubei and their opponent. Everything around them screams in silence, the bells in the tower awaiting their cue as the Rose Bride presents both the duelists with their roses, as unreadable as ever. </p>
<p>"I'm going to win this," Kyuubei declares quietly as Tae places a flower in their breast pocket. </p>
<p>"Mhmm," Tae hums, and smiles. Kyuubei tries not to wonder about how genuine it is.</p>
<p>The stage is set. </p>
<p>After a firm nod from Kyuubei, Tae leans back and falls into the duelist’s arm, arching her back with her head hanging low. Kyuubei holds her as gently as they can, carefully lowering her body with their other hand hovering over Tae's chest. The hilt of a sword emerges from the Rose Bride's body and Kyuubei holds on to it, putting a significant amount of strength into pulling the blade out. </p>
<p>
  <em> "Grant me the power to revolutionise the world!"  </em>
</p>
<p>Tae lays unconscious in Kyuubei's arm and they mentally strengthen their resolve. They turn to their opponent and point the sword at him. </p>
<p>As long as Kyuubei would have Tae, they would never let her hurt. </p>
<p>The loud ringing of the bells in the tower fills the air around them, pounding harshly against their ears. The duel begins. </p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>05.</b>
</p>
<p>“How are you feeling, Tae?”</p>
<p>One day, Kyuubei finds themself worrying about how honest Tae is around them. Of course, the Rose Bride is shrouded in mystery and this concern has always bothered Kyuubei at some level, but they feel that even everyday conversations feel strained. Like Tae is forcing herself to respond in a way that wouldn't bother Kyuubei. Maybe Kyuubei is being dubious for no reason, but it's better to establish some conversation rather than avoid it. </p>
<p>Tae stops writing and looks up from her notebook, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She raises an eyebrow at Kyuubei from across their study table, perhaps wondering what prompted the question. The doubt immediately dissolves, however, and she responds, “I’m very well, Kyuubei-sama. Why do you ask?”</p>
<p>Another response straight from the Rose Bride Textbook, if such a thing even exists.</p>
<p>“Not much…it's just that you seemed to have a spat with that junior. What’s her name…?” </p>
<p>Kyuubei expects her to showcase some distress, or express any sort of readable expression. Instead, they get a short, “It was nothing. Nothing to cause worry.” </p>
<p>Tae gives what Kyuubei assumes is a reassuring smile and goes back to doing her homework.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to keep anything from me, you know that, right? If she's bothering you, you need to tell me."</p>
<p>Tae grips her pencil just a little tighter and then releases it after a short pause. “I know, Kyuubei-sama. I’m fine. Really. She's just a pompous junior." She laughs lightly. "She'll find her way.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei studies her for a while before letting out a sigh. "Okay," they say. "But if anyone really bothers you, you have to tell me."</p>
<p>"That's very sweet, Kyuubei-sama." Tae's shoulders drop. Kyuubei didn't even realise she was stiff. She nods a little. "Thank you. I will." </p>
<p>Her voice is so soft and mellow that Kyuubei wonders whether they've somewhat come closer to convincing her of their trust.</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>06.</b>
</p>
<p>As Tae heads to the garden after class, Kyuubei asks whether they could join her. Tae would never say no, but they always make it a point to ask. It doesn’t feel right otherwise.</p>
<p>The two of them make their way through the school corridors walking against the surge of students heading for their classes, and nothing seems off—it’s the usual Monday crowd—but nothing seems <em> right </em>either. Two girls pass by and Kyuubei catches their eye for a short moment before they quickly look away and hurriedly make their way past Kyuubei and Tae. This happens again, with a boy with glasses so thick it made Kyuubei feel dizzy, and then again, with a group of students carrying violins and flutes and such, and then again, and again.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s because of how Kyuubei’s mind has been engrossed in thinking of the duels and the Rose Bride, but they’ve never noticed the unsettling feeling of having all these eyes on them. There’s nothing out-of-the-ordinary when it comes to people giving side-glances as they pass by, but there is something in the way some of these students hold their gaze and then walk by, as if trying to completely ignore their existence once they remove their eyes from them.</p>
<p>It takes Kyuubei a while to connect the dots and understand that perhaps those stares and those whispers are directed not particularly at <em>them</em>, but at Tae. Tae, the girl seen with a <em>new </em>person every couple of weeks. Of course, people who are unaware of everything happening in this school would talk. Kyuubei recalls Tae’s infamous image before they were even dragged into these duels. When earlier they didn’t really care for matters concerning others, now it’s very different, witnessing all this up and close.</p>
<p>It doesn’t seem to bother Tae, however. She’s as bright as ever, humming a tone to herself as she makes her way through the corridor, and then through the other students, till they all disappear behind them and Kyuubei and Tae are left only in each other’s company.</p>
<p>They want to ask her about this, how she feels about all those people, like they want to ask her about so many things, but it feels like it would invade the only part of the day Tae keeps to herself. Kyuubei keeps the question to themself and follows her into the glass greenhouse. As soon as they enter, Tae quickly disappears behind some tall bushes next to the entrance; the place where she keeps all her equipment.</p>
<p>It’s amazing how Tae has not only kept up with her daily routine for so long, but also has done her job properly. All the plants and the flowers look well-maintained considering how she’s the only person taking care of this garden. Even if Kyuubei doesn’t know much about gardening, they can tell how much effort goes into this. To call it a simple hobby would be a massive understatement. </p>
<p>This may all be a part of her role as a Rose Bride, but as Kyuubei watches her scurry around the place, scanning each and every plant, big or small, they feel that maybe there is some heart to whatever she’s been doing here. </p>
<p>“Kyuubei-sama?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei doesn’t realise that they’ve been spaced out like this for a while and they snap out of their daze and look up at Tae, who is now leaning over a hanging potted plant. </p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“Would you like to help? You seem to be bored.”</p>
<p>“No—! Uh, I mean, yes—Wait.” They shake their head. “I mean. I’m not bored, but I’d still like to help. If that’s okay for you, that is.” They scratch the nape of their neck. “I don’t really know much about gardening, to be honest.”</p>
<p>“That’s completely fine!” Tae chirps. “You just need to spray some water on the smaller plants. I’d have to apologise in advance, though. There are a lot of these baby plants that need tending to.”</p>
<p>“Okay, sounds good.” Kyuubei feels something warm within them, seeing her eyes so full of life for once in their presence. “Where’s the spray bottle?”</p>
<p>Tae disappears behind the wall of hanging pots once again. “On the counter next to the door,” she calls out. Kyuubei turns around and sure enough, they find the bottle there. It is empty, however, and Kyuubei has to look for a tap to refill it.</p>
<p>As they watch the bottle fill, they wonder if anyone has ever offered to help Tae out with her garden like this, given her excitement about having someone in the garden at all. How long has she kept to herself like this? She’s never been secretive about the fact that she doesn’t have friends outside of this, but has she never even had any acquaintance? Even for a short amount of time?</p>
<p>They’re reminded of all the stares she’d receive earlier, and the questions dissolve. It would be hard to make friends in this scenario, they muse.</p>
<p>“Careful not to use too much water.” Tae is now standing next to Kyuubei, taking them by surprise. “Just spraying a couple times would do.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Kyuubei says, and does as they are told.</p>
<p>“Nice! You seem to be getting a hang of this.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei laughs a little. “It’s not that hard. You’re being too kind.”</p>
<p>Tae shrugs. “Maybe I am.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei laughs again. They like this side of Tae. They would certainly love to get used to it.</p>
<p>Before they know it, the words slip out. “Doesn’t it bother you?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei mentally rebukes themself for breaking this small moment that they were having and they hope that they were not audible to Tae, for they spoke in a voice that certainly wasn’t theirs. Unfortunately for them, Tae asks, “What doesn’t bother me?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei sighs. They stand up straight and hold her gaze. “You know,” they say, “the way they all look at you. Like you’re some outsider. Like you’ve done something wrong.”</p>
<p>“Who?” Tae asks, but after a short moment of thought, her dubious expression relaxes. “Oh. You mean, like in the corridor today?”</p>
<p>So she did notice, but chose to ignore it. “Yeah. Does that happen often? Do they always look at you...like that?”</p>
<p>Tae nods. “Yes. I don’t mind.”</p>
<p>If it were anyone else it would’ve been hard to believe, but this is the <em> Rose Bride </em>after all. “Not even a little bit?” Kyuubei asks still.</p>
<p>Tae presses her lips together and looks up, as if in thought. “Should that bother me?”</p>
<p>“Well, no, not really,” Kyuubei says. “They don’t know you, after all. Their views of you shouldn’t matter.”</p>
<p>As soon as the words leave Kyuubei’s lips, a knowing smile appears on Tae’s. “Well, there you have it. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.” She turns around and makes her way back towards the bigger bushes.</p>
<p>Taken aback by her response, Kyuubei quickly recovers. As they watch her walk away in slightly bolder strides, they can’t help but smile as well. It’s good to have her open up like this after so long, to have her talk about herself.</p>
<p>“Still,” Kyuubei speaks up again. They might as well take their chance. “Does it not bother you? To not have friends in this school?” Kyuubei has asked similar questions before, and they know her answer would be some variation of “I have Jugem Jugem.” like it always is.</p>
<p>Instead, Tae looks over her shoulder and says, “I have you.”</p>
<p>This time, their pleasant surprise renders them speechless. For a moment, Kyuubei simply absorbs her words, watching her tend to her roses. Slowly, they feel their cheeks heat up and they swiftly turn around to continue with their chore. </p>
<p>Perhaps those words are reserved for anyone who wins Tae in the duel, but it makes Kyuubei happy anyway. </p>
<p>
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<p>
  <b>07.</b>
</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s breathing is rough and ragged as they’re struggling to get back on their feet. The vision of their left eye is filled with a dreadful shade of red while their right eye stares helplessly at the blurry image of their opponent. It’s only when they remove their hand from their face that they notice the blood indiscriminately dripping to the ground belongs to them. As the shock dies down and the searing pain slowly greets them, Kyuubei grasps at where their left eye was supposed to be and screams.</p>
<p>“That’s what you are,” the opponent says as he closes the gap Kyuubei has put between them. Kyuubei is still crying out in agony, trying their best to crawl away with whatever survival instincts they can muster. “You’re just a girl. You can’t have the Rose Bride, so give up before it’s too late.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei is doing their best to pull themself away, fighting the pain and trying to pull themself back on their feet while also covering their rose with the other hand. They can’t lose. No matter what, they <em> can’t </em>lose.</p>
<p>They reach the centre of the dueling arena, still panting and still in agony. The opponent is approaching, and he’s close. Kyuubei thinks of Tae and closes their surviving eye, and Dios finally descends. </p>
<p>And as always, Kyuubei gains their strength and stands facing their opponent. In one swift motion, they position their sword and attacks and in the next moment, the petals from the opponent’s breast pocket fall gracefully to the marbled floor.</p>
<p>Kyuubei has won.</p>
<p>For a moment, they catch a glimpse of the Rose Bride. Her eyes are wider than what Kyuubei is accustomed to, her lips parted slightly. If Kyuubei didn’t know any better, they’d think she saw something in the fight that caused her to feel any emotion that wasn’t reflected by her trademark smile.</p>
<p>Kyuubei smiles in relief (and a little in pride), before they start to stumble and lose their balance. The last thing they see is the Rose Bride reaching out for them as the world around Kyuubei succumbs to darkness.</p>
<p>
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<p>
  <b>08.</b>
</p>
<p>“Tae?”</p>
<p>There is no response. </p>
<p>“Uh, Tae?” Kyuubei says again, raising their voice a little. Still no response. They then reach across the dining table and tap Tae's hand. "Hello-o?" </p>
<p>That brings Tae out of whatever daze she seemed to be in. She looks down at her hand, then at Kyuubei, and then quickly retracts her hand. "Sorry, Kyuubei-sama," she says, straightening up. "You needed something?" </p>
<p>Kyuubei's right eye blinks a couple times, the other eye still trying to get accustomed to the darkness behind the black eyepatch. Tae has been acting a bit distant since that last duel, since the time Kyuubei lost their eye, but spacing out like this seemed way out of character, even for her. "I said," Kyuubei repeats, "will you be going to that party tomorrow?"</p>
<p>"No." Tae answers before Kyuubei even finishes asking the question. Realising that her tone came off a bit strong, she settles down properly on her chair and breathes out. "I mean, I don't want to."</p>
<p>"Oh," Kyuubei says. It's not surprising. Tae hardly seems like someone who would enjoy parties. They place their elbow on the table and their chin on their palm, and ask, "Not even if I ask you to?" </p>
<p>Kyuubei is only joking but Tae stiffens and doesn't answer. However, her response is obvious in the way she can't bring herself to meet Kyuubei's eye. They know she would say no, but going against her duelist's wishes is out of the question. </p>
<p>"It's okay! I'm kidding." They wave her off and smile reassuringly. "You don't have to if you don't want to."</p>
<p>Tae nods and her shoulders relax. "Okay." </p>
<p>"I don't think I'll go either," Kyuubei says. "They're too elite for me."</p>
<p>"Mhmm."</p>
<p>After that, they eat their dinner in silence with only the sound of cutlery filling the quiet room. After a while, Tae stands up along with her half-empty plate, finally killing the long, slightly tense moment between them. </p>
<p>"I'll be heading to bed, Kyuubei-sama," she informs them. </p>
<p>Kyuubei hides their surprise behind an unperturbed expression and nods. "Okay," they say. "I'll join you later then."</p>
<p>They watch her as she disappears into the kitchen, wondering what thought could possibly plague the emotionally unwavering Rose Bride.</p>
<p>
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<p>
  <b>09.</b>
</p>
<p>When Kyuubei returns to their room late at night, they find Tae asleep on their study table in their room. Her one arm is tucked under her head and the other outstretched towards a half-filled cup of tea on the table, with her legs folded beside her. It looks like a fairly uncomfortable position to sleep in but Kyuubei isn’t sure of whether they should wake her up or not. She’s very punctual when it comes to going to bed on time, and surely she’s just taking a quick nap. She must be cold, too.</p>
<p>Kyuubei tip-toes their way to Tae’s bed and picks up a light blanket. They carefully make their way back, unfolding the sheet and laying it over Tae’s sleeping self. Being in close proximity to her, they hear her deep, rhythmic breathing and realise that this nap might be the result of exhaustion. It’s strange, but the feeling that Tae is human hits harder than ever and Kyuubei’s heart sinks. They’ve been through a lot together, but they haven’t really wondered about Tae’s state of mind in this all, considering how she never speaks her mind and never lets them in on how she’s feeling; how she’s <em> truly </em>feeling.</p>
<p>They walk round the table and kneel down next to her. There’s a certain calm to her when she’s sleeping, something so rare to see in her. She’s always calm, outwardly at least. But spending so much time with her, wondering whether she’s suppressing herself in one way or the other, it makes that calm on her face even more concerning. </p>
<p>“You can’t quit being the Rose Bride, can you?” Kyuubei wonders out loud, in a whisper.</p>
<p>There’s a nagging feeling in the back of their mind, one that wants to reach out to her, to touch her, to comfort her. They don’t even realise their hand is now reaching out to hers. Once their consciousness returns for a split second, they quickly withdraw their hand.</p>
<p>On doing so, their arm brushes past the teacup, and the rattle disturbs Tae’s sleep. Kyuubei pulls away, watching her eyes flutter open. She’s still in her stupor, when she sits up straight and the blanket slowly slides down her back.</p>
<p>“Kyuubei-sama,” she says groggily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “You’re home.”</p>
<p>“I’m home,” Kyuubei echoes.</p>
<p>Tae smiles and there’s a glimmer in her eyes, making Kyuubei wonder whether they had really imagined the relief in her voice on seeing them. They feel that warm feeling in their stomach once again and they can’t help but smile as well. </p>
<p>“I made you dinner,” Tae then says cheerfully, her voice still laced with exhaustion.</p>
<p>The warm feeling immediately disappears as Kyuubei thinks of what she may have cooked for them.</p>
<p>They gulp. “Ah.”</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>10.</b>
</p>
<p>“Say,” Kyuubei speaks up, as they walk back home with Tae late one evening. “Wouldn’t it be weird if we actually belonged to some other world and were brought into <em> this </em>world by some other force because they decided they wanted to see us fit into this world that we’re in right now? Do you understand? Wouldn’t it be weird?”</p>
<p>Tae stops in her tracks and so does Kyuubei. She blinks a couple of times, processing Kyuubei’s words. </p>
<p>After some time, she nods. Like she understands. </p>
<p>“Yes,” she says, and the two of them resume walking. “Yes, it would be very weird.”</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>11.</b>
</p>
<p>Kyuubei can't pay attention to their classes. Their thoughts are loud and scattered, and no matter how much they try, their mind wanders back to thinking about the duels. And no matter how much thought they put into it, they can’t make any sense of it.</p>
<p>Why would their friends challenge them so? Why would they be so hostile towards Tae? Why do they all forget? Why can’t Kyuubei forget in their stead?</p>
<p>Everyone has gone crazy. This school has gone crazy.</p>
<p>Kyuubei nervously twists the ring on their finger, walking through the school grounds and wanting nothing more than a long shower and even longer nap to rid their mind of these thoughts. They don’t know how long they can keep this up, how long they’ll have to deal with these pointless duels.</p>
<p>Elsewhere, Tae watches in silence.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>12.</strong>
</p>
<p>Like every night, Kyuubei and Tae lay in their crescent beds, with their faces in proximity and legs at opposite ends. It’s a nice room in a nice apartment—an upgrade from their old and secluded living quarters—and Kyuubei makes sure to thank the chairpersons for this change every time they happen upon them. They look upon the stars through the large glass window, and think of everything that has been happening. They’re so deep in thought that they don’t notice Tae’s hand outstretched towards them, until she clears her throat and calls out to them.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Kyuubei says, eyeing her hand and turning to the side to face Tae. They reach out for her and their fingers intertwine for a short moment before they hold each other’s hands. Her hand is warm and comforting, and Kyuubei breathes out slowly, sinking their face into their pillow and closing her eyes. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Something seems to be troubling you, Kyuubei-sama,” Tae says, concerned. </p>
<p>She tightens her hold on Kyuubei just a little, causing them to look at her again. Her face reflects the worry in her voice and Kyuubei wants to tell her what they’re feeling. They part their mouth to say something, <em> anything </em>, but their voice falls short and they can only sigh. </p>
<p>Tae notices their discomfort and adds, “You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“No, no! It’s…” Kyuubei defends. “I want to. I just...I don’t know what I’m feeling at this point.”</p>
<p>“Is it about your Prince?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei sighs again. “I don’t know. Maybe.”</p>
<p>“Is it something about him that’s bothering you?”</p>
<p>“No. No, of course not,” Kyuubei says and turns to face the ceiling, not letting go of Tae’s hand. “I haven’t even met him yet.” They side eye the stars and wonder how to make sense of the turmoil in their heart, the heart that supposedly belongs to their Prince. “How can you love someone you’ve never met? How long do I carry on like this?”</p>
<p>“You love him?”</p>
<p>The question doesn’t sit well with Kyuubei. They turn to their side again. “Of course I do,” they say, though it comes off less as a statement and more as a question. They swallow the weight in their throat. “It’s why I’ve been doing all this. He gave me this ring and it led me all the way here. These duels, these troubles, it’s all for him.”</p>
<p>Tae remains silent for some time, before she says, “Is that really love?”</p>
<p>It seems like Tae is genuinely unaware of the answer to this question, but to Kyuubei, it triggers all sorts of doubts about their own self. Is all that <em> really </em>love? </p>
<p>Tae frowns. “You’re not very sure of yourself, Kyuubei-sama.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s voice is stuck in their throat, and they’re wondering how they could possibly respond to this. <em> Why are they questioning all of this all of a sudden? </em>It’s not like they’ve ever had second thoughts before. </p>
<p>“He’s an ideal that I’m chasing,” Kyuubei finally manages to get the words out. “That day, I wanted to be him. I wanted to keep his promise and I still do. I <em> want </em> to meet him, because he saved me. I am grateful.”</p>
<p>“And that is love?”</p>
<p>“It has to be.” Kyuubei finds their stern, unshaking voice. “There would be no other explanation, right?”</p>
<p>“Right,” Tae affirms monotonously. “It may be.”</p>
<p>They let those words hang in the air surrounding them for some time. Kyuubei thinks of all the things they’ve done in search of their Prince and Tae watches them with a soft gaze. Their grip on each other falls loose and Kyuubei’s fingers slowly slip away from Tae’s. They’re still facing each other, with their hands stretched out, and the slight tension around them dissolves into a relatively comforting atmosphere.</p>
<p>Kyuubei is grateful that Tae is here. Even if there is very less chance of Kyuubei finding their Prince, at least the duels won’t be for nothing as long as they have Tae; as long as they don’t give up the spirit of the Prince they aspire to be.</p>
<p>“Kyuubei-sama?” Tae’s voice is softer than ever, like she’ll fall asleep any moment now.</p>
<p>Kyuubei meets her eyes in the dark. “Hmm?” </p>
<p>“I…” she begins to say. “I want to…” She pauses. Kyuubei anticipates her words but after a short moment of silence, she sighs. “Nevermind. It’s nothing important.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Kyuubei is a little disappointed, but they don’t press any further. “Okay.”</p>
<p>“And as for the Prince,” Tae says, “you probably shouldn’t worry too much. When he’ll show, you will know what to do. You have to keep your promise after all.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei nods. “Yeah. You’re right.”</p>
<p>Tae hums a little in satisfaction. “Good night, Kyuubei-sama.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei closes their eye and lets out a long, shaky breath. “Good night, Tae.”</p>
<p><br/><br/><br/>That night, Kyuubei dreams of a distant land.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>there are two more chapters! bear with me （＾。＾；）</p><p>let me know what you think so far! if you have questions, please feel free to ask! this won't be a very...straight-forward fic, much like rgu. </p><p>you can also find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/tsukkisachi">twitter</a> and <a href="https://21tailsofwoe.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!! (my curiouscat and tumblr ask box are open to questions as well)</p><p>cheers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. understanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>00.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Once upon a time, a girl decided to become a </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Prince</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But was that really a good idea?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <span>Thunder rumbles, loud and terrifying. The downpour is merciless, and it seems as though rainwater would come flooding into the low-lying city any time. Lightning strikes behind one of the mountains circling the city and the light momentarily illuminates the lone, dusty room through the cracks in the walls, housing no one but a small, young child. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is a girl dressed in a dirty and torn pink dress. The small cramped room has one exit; a metal door which is now slightly ajar. The light from outside leaks through the cracks, killing the depressing darkness that veiled the room. The girl lays on the ground, still and motionless, eyeing the door but not reaching out for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the heavy downpour, a foreign sound is heard. It is the sound of footsteps echoing from beyond the door, coming from shoes that sounded like they didn’t belong to any of the captors. The clicking sound stops right outside and the door opens with a metallic creak. The child’s eyes are shut tight in anticipation of one the abductors, waiting for fate to take over. The stranger approaches, but the footsteps stop right as they’ve reached the girl’s proximity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Witch opened the door for you," the unfamiliar voice says. "You could’ve escaped. Why didn’t you leave?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girl’s eyes flutter open, surprised at how it didn't sound like any of the kidnappers, and the view of a man—no, a boy—takes over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The strange boy is dressed in a regal, white attire, adorned with gold and silver ornaments. There is a short red cloak hanging from his shoulders, and even his white boots match the grace surrounding said cloak. He is beautiful, the girl muses, eyeing his short, smooth hair and dark, flawless skin. However, there is a hint of grimness in the way he looks down at the child, only a flicker in his eyes reflecting deep sorrow. The girl is confused as to why such a beautiful person would come to a place like this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you...a Shinigami?” the girl asks weakly, still unmoving on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boy shakes his head. “No. I have nothing to do with Death.” His voice is mellow and sweet, but very sombre and it piques the girl’s interest. “I am a Prince, or whatever is left of him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a long moment there is no response as a pair of dark, shineless eyes take in the sight of this strange boy with angelic features. “You are so pretty,” the girl finally says, but the Prince doesn’t respond to that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lowers his body and puts one knee on the ground, resting his arm on the other knee. “I ask this of you again," he says, his voice firmer. "Why didn’t you leave this place? Your captors aren’t around and the Witch opened the door for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The abducted child doesn’t answer for some time, but then lets out a whimper and curls up further. The question sounds unpleasant to the girl. “I don’t want to leave,” comes the bitter reply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My family doesn’t need me. I am a girl and I can’t fulfil all of their wishes. All the wishes they had from a son. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So I will live here in confinement till Death greets me. If you’re here to help me, then I don’t want it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince doesn’t budge, only waits for the girl to say more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the only place for someone like me, who has nothing else that is eternal to guide her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eternal?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Suffering here is eternal.” The girl’s voice is weaker now. “Death is eternal. That is the only comfort I know. So let me be. I will die here and they won’t have a daughter anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince narrows his eyes, taking in the girl’s words and soon a shadow of disappointment casts over his features. He sighs and moves away slowly, bringing himself back on his feet and standing up straight. The mention of eternity seems to have stirred something within him and the sorrow on his face deepens. The child on the floor still doesn’t move but the curious, empty eyes follow his movements in the dim light. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is your name?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kyuubei. Yagyuu Kyuubei.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince nods in understanding and then turns around to face the door. “Follow me,” he says and starts walking away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei stares in confusion for a while, slowly getting up from the ground with legs folded to the side. The child had no intention to get up all this while, but so enthralling is the Prince that the exhaustion carried over weeks slowly dissipates and curiosity takes the shape of strength. Within a moment, Kyuubei is standing up and following the Prince outside, into the deep, red light cascading through the open door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait! Where are you going?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the Prince comes back into Kyuubei’s view, he has stopped walking. Kyuubei catches up and stands beside him, only to gasp at the sight of a large crack on the floor. It is a couple feet wide with no way around it and beneath the crack is a seemingly unending well of pitch black darkness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other side of the crack slowly lights up, revealing a couple of steps leading to a higher platform. There is something on that platform.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The deep red turns brighter over the steps, and a wall comes into view. It is the colour of blood and is translucent, because Kyuubei can see someone’s silhouette through it. The Prince is eerily silent beside Kyuubei as they both watch the scene unfold before them. The silhouette seems as though it is suspended in that sea of red, trembling as the shadows that look like large, sharp spikes go through the dark figure of the person’s body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It looks like the spikes are piercing</span>
  <em>
    <span> through</span>
  </em>
  <span> that person, whose small stature shows that they might be a young child as well. Kyuubei’s eyes are wide with horror. That child is in tremendous pain, Kyuubei can tell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who...who is that?” Kyuubei stammers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A witch,” the Prince replies curtly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A witch?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Rose Bride. The one who lives in eternal suffering.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei gulps. “Eternal...suffering?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I envy those who can die,” the Prince says. “The witch before you, she cannot die. She’s doomed to live in agony forever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W—why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is her punishment. She took the Prince away from all the girls of the world. Have you heard of the Tale of the Rose?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is the story of the Rose Bride,” he explains, not removing his eyes from the girl and the spikes. “Long ago, the Prince of the World was in grave danger because some enemy soldiers had almost captured him in war. But a princess, Shimura Tae, bravely stood in front of these soldiers.” He pauses for a while, his head lowering. “The Prince’s attackers couldn’t hurt a woman, so they left, and Tae had thus saved the life of the Prince. However, to protect his honour and to protect the image of the undefeated Prince, it was made known that it was the Prince who saved this Princess from the terrifying enemy, and thus, Tae had to leave behind her family and marry the Prince who had weakened himself in battle. It was a sacrifice made because of her duty towards the Prince of the world, and to ensure the safety of her family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But the world wouldn’t have it. To them, she was a witch who kept the Prince all to herself, not allowing the other girls of the world to be saved by him. The Prince was weak and could no longer carry on saving the world. And thus, once again, to follow her duty of protecting the Prince’s honour and his life, she faced the world as the witch they claimed her to be and declared that they go away because she wouldn’t ever give the Prince to them. Hearing this, they all pointed their swords at her. Ever since then, she’s been living in agony because of those swords—the Swords of Hatred.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The swords.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Every inch of Kyuubei’s body is frozen with dread. Those large thorns, they are the Swords of Hatred of which he spoke of and they are all punishing the Rose Bride for a crime that isn’t her own. The sight is horrifying and it makes Kyuubei feel sick to the core.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even though she cared for the Prince the most, even though she loved her family, she had to live the life of a witch and sacrifice herself. And she continues to live like this to this day. She’ll live like this forever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei’s heart is racing, body trembling with fear. As if on instinct, Kyuubei jumps across the crack and runs towards the Rose Bride, breathing uneven and knees weak. The Prince is trying to say something, but Kyuubei doesn’t listen, who stops momentarily before the steps and slowly starts climbing, one step at a time. Kyuubei tries to reach out to Shimura Tae, but a strong, invisible force from the wall throws Kyuubei away from her, and the girl lands on the ground near the crack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All she has is her suffering,” the Prince says. “She won’t be saved like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei’s vision is blurring with tears, but the suffering on Tae’s face is still visible. It saddens Kyuubei to no end, and a terrible feeling of helpless sinks in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“P...please,” Kyuubei gasps out. “Please help her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince is now on this side of the crack. He kneels down once again in front of Kyuubei and lends out a hand. Kyuubei takes it and stands up, still sobbing and still in pain. The Prince extends his gloved hands and wipes the tears off the child’s cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I cannot save her,” he says grimly and Kyuubei sobs again. “I don’t have the power to do that.” He looks over at the Rose Bride. “The only one who can save her is a prince she believes in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“B...but you’re a prince, too!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t become her prince. Not anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince averts his gaze for a moment. He lets out a deep breath and then looks back at Kyuubei. “Thank you, for caring. For your tears. You are a kind-hearted girl.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He avoids the question and stands up. Eyeing the Rose Bride, he sidesteps Kyuubei and walks towards the witch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then!” Kyuubei calls out to him. “I’ll become her prince!” That causes the Prince to stop in his tracks and he looks over his shoulder, his eyes wide in surprise. Kyuubei continues, “I’ll become the Prince she can believe in! I’ll save her!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince’s surprise slowly disappears and he smiles faintly, the sadness never leaving his eyes. “Maybe,” he says and turns back around. “If you never lose this nobility of yours, you may be able to save her from this eternal torture.” He walks towards Kyuubei and presents a ring—one with a pink rose crest on it. He takes Kyuubei’s hand and slowly slips the ring on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh...what is this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure you will forget everything you’ve seen here,” he says. “But keep this ring, even if you don’t remember. Remember this, that you are a girl. You’ll grow up into a woman.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something snaps within Kyuubei and there’s determination in those young, tear-filled eyes. “I’ll do it regardless. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>become her Prince. I swear!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>A Prince. A boy. A </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>son </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>they never had...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince nods in acknowledgement. “If that is so, this ring will lead you back here. We’ll await that day.” He stands up and steps away slowly, nearing the Rose Bride.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei’s eyes travel to Tae and their gaze meets. Tae’s eyes are filled with torment which makes Kyuubei’s heart sink again. However, there is hope; Kyuubei has promised the Prince and will fight no matter what it takes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I look forward to seeing you again, Yagyuu Kyuubei.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Prince starts fading away as soon as he says those words. The Rose Bride’s image slowly starts to lose colour as well, along with the blood-red wall. She is disappearing before Kyuubei’s eyes, who realises that she and the Prince are leaving now, having shown what they needed to show—something that is eternal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Kyuubei mentally firms their resolve, clenching the hand with the ring into a fist, the last few traces of the two mysterious beings disappear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We’ll await that day.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear, I’ll save you,” Kyuubei says to the empty space where they stood. Kyuubei will leave this place, return to their family, and grow up to become a Prince. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They will do it all to save the Rose Bride, as she saved the Prince—as she saved Kyuubei.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <span>But a girl who cannot become a princess, is doomed to become a </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>witch.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>13.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You look so girlish. It suits you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei hates that word. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Girlish. </span>
  </em>
  <span>What does that even mean? The ones who say it, they always mean it as a compliment, though. Kyuubei should’ve felt nice about that but it feels very strange. It must be good, somehow. The word, “girlish.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The chairpersons called me ‘girlish’ today,” Kyuubei says out loud, watching out the window. Tae is beside them, taking in the same view of Ohtori.  “I wonder what that means.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae is a bit surprised by their question, but then laughs lightly. “Well, they meant you looked beautiful tonight,” she says. Seeing Kyuubei’s frown, she leans forward to meet their eyes. “You don’t seem to like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei did not notice their own physical display of displeasure. They shake their head and smile. “No. It’s okay,” they say. “I’m surprised they felt that way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae’s smile fades and she looks away momentarily. “In the end, all girls are like the Rose Bride.” Her voice is low, but there is a hint of something close to sadness in her words. However, she picks up her tone quickly. “But to me, you always look great, Kyuubei-sama,” Tae chirps. “Whether you’re ‘girly’ or not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pure, unfiltered way in which Tae says those words makes Kyuubei feel a little strange. It is a good kind of strange, though, as they deduce by the way their cheeks feel warm and a smile carves up their face. Kyuubei faces away from Tae. “Thank you,” they say in a meek voice, almost red. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is stupid, </span>
  </em>
  <span>they think to themself.</span>
  <em>
    <span> I shouldn’t be feeling this way.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei places their hand on the glass of the window and watches the lights around the school begin to dim. They’re mildly taken aback when they feel Tae’s hand on theirs, but embracing the warmth, they let her hold them like this. It feels nice. It feels comforting, regardless of what’s been happening, and however Kyuubei may feel about Tae.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei curls their fingers around Tae’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>14.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You love her, don’t you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah. But it’s not the kind of love you think it is. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Then, what is it?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been having dreams. Dreams that seem very real.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Dreams?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes. Dreams where I made an important promise to someone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know, but whenever I look at Tae...it seems like...her and I</span>
  </em>
  <span>—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>“Stay away from the chairpersons and Tae!”</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>“They’re obviously using you. You’re so dense, Kyuubei! Sticking your nose into things that don’t involve you.”</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I…I know. But there is an image of her in my head. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like an image of her pain. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of Tae?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I know she’s hard to trust. But I also know she’s so much more. I know it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>15.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dining room is large and empty, except for two. Tae and Kyuubei stand across the table, a knowing distance between them. There is some tension in the atmosphere, or perhaps Kyuubei is simply imagining it. Nevertheless, they try to break the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say, Tae,” they begin. “What would you like to do once you graduate?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae removes the teacup from her lips. “Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, once you leave the school?” Kyuubei takes a bite from their cookie. “What would you like to do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Tae says and thinks for a moment. “I’d just like to tend to my roses.” It’s a straight-forward response. Kyuubei isn’t surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s nice,” they muse. “Then, you can become a florist!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae laughs lightly and nods. “Yeah, maybe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei takes another bite of a cookie. The tension is still there despite the lack of silence. Kyuubei tries to push the strange feeling away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say, Kyuubei-sama,” Tae speaks up, her voice a bit more mellow. “Have you ever heard of Cantarella?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, no?” Kyuubei swallows the cookie with the help of some milk. “What is that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a type of poison.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that so…?” They pick up another cookie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you like those cookies? I made them myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei pauses. They take a look at the plate of uneaten cookies and then at Tae, who has her signature smile on her face. Their hand is frozen in place, and there is a fleeting feeling of horror that grips at them, but it soon passes. Tae sips her tea silently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What a coincidence,” Kyuubei thinks out loud. “I poisoned your tea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae looks back up, her eyes wide. Slowly, the shock dissipates and she smiles again, taking a longer sip of the tea. Kyuubei eats the cookie in their hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This tea is very delicious,” Tae says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, are these cookies,” Kyuubei says, picking up the last cookie on the plate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They drink their beverages in silence. However, after some time, it is Tae who breaks the quiet surrounding them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you, Kyuubei-sama?” She asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where will you be in ten years?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei thinks for some time. “Well,” they say, “I’m not very sure about it all but...” They drag in a deep breath and sigh. “I’d like us to be as we are right now. Drinking tea and laughing together. I imagine a beautiful garden. And some of your cooking, too!” Tae laughs but her face falls into thought. Kyuubei asks again, “Wouldn’t that be nice?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That would be lovely.” Tae says, and Kyuubei knows in their heart that she means it. “I feel the same.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The distance between them has reduced, Kyuubei has noticed. “Then, in ten years, we’ll be together,” they declare. “In a beautiful, calm place somewhere. Maybe we’ll have more friends, maybe not! But we’ll be together. Being ourselves.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their hands inch closer across the table, and slowly, their fingers intertwine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a promise,” Kyuubei says, and they mean it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>16.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He watches the students disperse back to their dorms from his height. He watches individual persons, noticing the invisible weight on their shoulders and studies the atmosphere around them.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He then scans the side of the campus the tower faces. This is the school they call Ohtori.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ohtori is a place for those who can’t move on,” he speaks in a low voice, as though talking to himself and not to the other occupants in the room. “It is a school for those who live in the past and hang onto it. Be it a past lover, a lost family member, a lost sense of being; be it some sort of stubbornness, holding onto supposedly unhealthy feelings.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He pauses, his eyes finding the figure of the young student wearing an eye patch on her left eye, walking beside the Rose Bride, heading towards him; towards the tower. “Be it a struggle against a centuries old pain,” he continues, “or be it a struggle for acceptance from your family and fulfilling the expectations they have from you.” The two girls disappear from his view as they enter the tower. He smiles. “Be it a struggle to decide who you </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>really </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>are.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>A kettle in the corner of the room whistles loudly.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sir, would you like some sugar in your tea?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The question brings him out of his thoughts and he slowly turns around, blinking. “Ah yes, ma’am,” he says, shrugging off the remaining thoughts regarding the duel. “Two cubes should be enough.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>17.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The night is harsh and cold, the wind loud and howling. The rooftop is high enough to be overlooking the entire campus, the lights scattered all the way to the silhouette of the mountains beyond Ohtori. The stars above are beautifully haunting at this time of the night, bearing witness to the view of Tae standing at the edge of the rooftop, her robes and her hair whipping violently against her body with the wind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re running away?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae doesn’t even flinch when she hears Kyuubei’s voice behind her, calling out over the loud, whistling wind. She maintains her ground, her feet balancing her body at the edge, staring down at the ground from her height.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s no point, Kyuubei-sama!” She cries over the wind, hoping her voice would reach them. “Leave!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re running away?” Kyuubei repeats, their voice louder and closer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There is guilt tugging at Tae but she fights against it, daring not to turn back around. “I’m sorry...Kyuubei-sama,” Tae says as tears threaten their way out. “I’m sorry…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sooner this is over with, the better. Even though her insides are screaming otherwise, Tae closes her eyes and leans forward. The wind and gravity both pull at her body and she allows herself to fall over the edge, forcing herself to welcome this feeling of going numb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This pain. End this pain. Free me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, she feels her body jerk. Her senses immediately return and she feels a hand gripping at her arm. Hard. Her body is only supported by her toes still on the edge, her entire body leaning forward and directly facing the deadly height in front of her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Behind her, she hears Kyuubei’s groans. She can only look back for a split second, taking in the view of Kyuubei holding onto the grill behind the two of them with one hand and using the other to grab Tae’s arm with a deathly grip. They have no intention of letting her go. She turns away and tries to pull at her arm with her own weight, trying her best to free herself of their hold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me go, Kyuubei-sama,” she says, her voice cracking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re just going to give up?!” Kyuubei cries and pulls Tae’s body even harder. The pain in their voice is evident. “Don’t we have a date in ten years?!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sound betrayed. Tae cannot respond to them. She doesn’t have it in her. She tries to pull away from their grip, but it would require more strength than her body can muster at the moment. Eventually, Kyuubei’s pull overpowers her and before she knows it, she’s being pulled over the edge, the view of the world below disappearing behind the rooftop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her body is shaking as she finds stable footing again and her knees drop to the ground. Kyuubei falls a couple feet away from her. They’re panting loudly, probably having exerted every ounce of their energy into pulling Tae back up. She can’t bring herself to look at them, supporting her upper body with her hands and staring at the concrete floor, heaving. Her breath is shaky and her vision blurry with tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s so much guilt and shame in her that she doesn’t know where to start, how to explain everything to Kyuubei. She is not worthy of even asking forgiveness. She feels terrible—she </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>terrible, and there is no way she can apologise for everything she’s done.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have saved me,” she finally manages to say. They should’ve let her go. It would’ve all been over. Her throat feels heavy, her heart pounding loudly against her chest. Kyuubei doesn’t respond. “I used you. I used your naivety and your pure heart. I kept fooling you. Acting the way you’d want me to. Acting like your </span>
  <em>
    <span>bride</span>
  </em>
  <span>, when I was just using you for...for </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I just wanted it to end. I wanted all this pain to end.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pauses, catching up on her breath and a sob slips out. “I tr— I thought...because I was the Rose Bride. I thought I could be used in whatever way my master pleased. I thought because my heart was empty, I could do whatever was asked of me. I could become whatever my master wanted me to be. But this pain...it doesn’t leave. This pain comes with being the Rose Bride, but…” She slowly looks up, finding Kyuubei on their knees at some distance from her, looking up at the sky, their breaths now calming down. “But, the pain I caused </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You didn’t know anything about this mess, but you got swept into this against your will. And even though I knew. I knew! I still used you! I kept giving you this image of my helpless self, so that you would continue with these duels for my sake!” Tae’s voice is breaking and she takes in a deep breath, trying to control her sobs. “Forgive me, Kyuubei-sama. I used you from the beginning! I took advantage of your kindness, your innocence. I kept lying to you! I’m sorry! I’m so…sorry. I’m—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Kyuubei suddenly says and Tae’s heart stops for a split moment. Their voice lacks their usual spurt and energy and Tae feels her throat grow heavier. “No. I didn’t even realise the pain you were in. I never even tried to understand the suffering you were in. The truth is, I kept protecting you for my own ego. I wanted to act like this noble prince who would save you. I just used you as an excuse to get closer to that image of the Prince that I thought I’d become.” They huff. “How could I? When I didn’t even know what was going through you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae is at a loss of words, her lips parted, surprised at knowing how Kyuubei really felt. Something grips at her heart, and she sobs again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I kept thinking that you’d betray me again, once I lost a duel. And the night I saw you and...I thought you had betrayed me! Without even considering the pain you were in, I thought you went against me! After everything I said about how I’d protect you, and how we’d look after each other. I put this heavy burden on you! I avoided knowing how you felt. I avoided </span>
  <em>
    <span>acknowledging </span>
  </em>
  <span>how you felt! I...I was the one who used you. I was the one who betrayed you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei finally breaks down. Tae finds herself slowly inching towards them, tears flowing through her own eyes. “K—Kyuubei-sama…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” Kyuubei says in a brittle voice as Tae reaches out to them, first holding them by hand and then pulling them close. “I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tae pulls Kyuubei into an embrace and they both hold onto each other as they cry, apologising to each other again and again, while also reassuring the other with their touch, stroking the other’s back and trying to calm them down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kyuubei-sama,” Tae says, “please leave. Leave this school. It doesn’t matter now. Leave and forget everything that has happened here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kyuubei slowly pulls away. Wiping away their tears, they hold Tae’s gaze, whose tears have finally tamed as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know I can’t do that, Tae. Not after this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>18.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“So, you’ll head for the duel? For Shimura? That's foolish.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Didn’t you already know? I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>am</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> a fool.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>fun fact: the rooftop scene was what inspired me to create a utena au for kyuutae in the first place.</p>
<p>a lot more of the traditional utena "symbolism" in this chapter. let me know your thoughts!</p>
<p>find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/tsukkisachi">twitter</a> and <a href="https://21tailsofwoe.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. the duel named revolution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>last part! the final duel! </p>
<p>enjoy v(^∀^*)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>19.</b>
</p>
<p>Kyuubei is standing up straight, their eye closed. Tae’s one arm is around Kyuubei’s back, the other placed on their chest as she leans sideways on their body. Light surrounds both of them as though forming a protective aura and from Kyuubei’s chest emerges the hilt of a sword which Tae holds with both her hands and slowly pulls out from their body. Both of them fall away from each other, their backs arching till the sword emerges completely.</p>
<p>Kyuubei wakes up, holding Tae’s drained self and taking the sword from her. They point it at the Prince, who stands eerily silent before them. </p>
<p>“Are you sure about this, Kyuubei?” he asks, still not drawing his sword.</p>
<p>Kyuubei gently lets Tae go, making sure she can stand up and support herself properly. Kyuubei then steps away and Tae steps back, recovering from her momentary unconsciousness. Meanwhile, Kyuubei’s sword doesn’t waver.</p>
<p>“You’ve come here for the purpose of being with me, your Prince. Haven’t you?” The Prince inches closer, his sword still unsheathed. Kyuubei wants to back away but stays on guard. “You and me, prince and princess. Happily living together in our castle.”</p>
<p>“No,” Kyuubei cuts him off and raises the sword higher.</p>
<p>The Prince smiles. “Is that not why you’re here? Working all these years to get closer to me, your prince. The one who saved you.” He tilts his head to the side. “Didn’t we make that promise, Kyuubei?”</p>
<p>With that, Kyuubei is the one to attack first. They swing their sword at the Prince’s towering figure, who dodges the blade with one swift motion and with another move he’s behind Kyuubei. They don’t lose their footing despite being taken by surprise and spin around only to have their sword clash with the Prince’s with a loud clang. His expressions remain unaffected, only an amused smile on his face. Kyuubei puts all their strength into pushing against his sword, but he doesn’t budge.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t suit you,” he says eyeing Kyuubei up and down, his gaze seemingly pricking their skin. “That getup. That weapon. It doesn’t suit you.”</p>
<p>He isn’t moving to attack yet. Kyuubei takes advantage of that to pivot around, building distance between them, and then uses their body momentum to crash against his sword again. This time, he’s forced backwards.</p>
<p>“The dress you wore that day, the one we gave,” he says, still unbothered by their attacks, “it suited you more.”</p>
<p>Another clash.</p>
<p>“Why do you go so far?”</p>
<p>Another attack. He dodges it.</p>
<p>“Why do you hang on to that childish dream? You’re finally here, with me.”</p>
<p>Another attack and he avoids it again. The frustration is building up within Kyuubei, their face turning hotter by the moment, their heart racing.</p>
<p>“You and me, Prince and Princess, living together in the castle above.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei pulls back their sword and this time, throws it at him with a loud guttural cry. On impact, the Prince finally falls a good couple of steps away from Kyuubei. Kyuubei is panting, but their hands are still holding up their sword. It feels like their skin is still burning under his watch and Kyuubei wants nothing more than to hurt the man before them. <em> Fall, </em> they think to themself. <em> Fall, and shut up. </em></p>
<p>He quickly shakes off his shock, however. His sword is now hanging to his side. He calmly raises his empty hand, stretching it towards Kyuubei. He’s smiling still, but the smile is softer now. “Come be with me, Yagyuu Kyuubei. Just like we had promised. Be with me, and you wouldn’t have to worry about any of this.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei doesn’t respond.</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t have to worry about your responsibility to your family,” he says. “You wouldn’t have to carry that burden with you anymore. You could forget about them and move on, be with me.” Kyuubei tightens their grip on the sword. “Give up on the pretense of becoming a Prince. You can let go, now that we’ve finally met.” His voice has grown gentle, his eyes losing their usual, suave shine; like he genuinely means those words. He steps forward, his hand still reaching out to Kyuubei. “We don’t have to fight like this. It’ll be better for you, too. It’ll be easier. You wouldn’t have to fight me. You won’t have to fight against yourself like this.”</p>
<p>He takes another step, then another. The blade wavers in Kyuubei’s hand but they step back as he approaches. </p>
<p><em> You wouldn’t have to fight against yourself. </em> His words ring in their head, overpowering their thoughts. <em> The burden. </em> It is tiring to keep carrying that burden. It is difficult to live as a prince; as <em> their son </em>. The Prince knows of Kyuubei’s struggles. He knows all too well.</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s insides are still burning, but perhaps it’s less discomforting now. Maybe that fire wasn’t bad in the first place. Maybe the fire was something else entirely. Maybe the frustration resulting from that fire was misdirected. Maybe they could quench this fire if they just accepted the truth—</p>
<p>Something moves in the corner of Kyuubei’s eye. They turn their head just a little and their gaze meets that of Tae. She’s standing at a distance, at the edge of the duelling platform. Her hands are clasped together over her chest, the signature unreadable shadow hovering above her features.</p>
<p><em> No. It </em> <b> <em>is</em> </b> <em> burning. It’s uncomfortable. It hurts. </em></p>
<p>Flashes of red go through Kyuubei’s head. Amidst the red is a figure of a girl, stabbed by a thousand swords.</p>
<p><em> It </em> <b> <em>burns</em> </b> <em> . </em></p>
<p>Kyuubei had not noticed themself lowering their sword, but once they return to their senses, they’re quickly on guard, pointing the blade at the Prince before he gets closer to them and secure the distance between them. The Prince stops, eyeing the blade and masking his surprise behind a huff.</p>
<p>“I am <em> not </em>your Princess,” Kyuubei spits through gritted teeth. “I’m not here just for myself.”</p>
<p>He raises his brows. It takes some time for realisation to set in on him, like he forgot about Tae’s existence completely. He shakes his head and chuckles, turning to look at Tae. “Ah,” he says. “You mean you’re here for her.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to free her from you,” Kyuubei declares. “She doesn’t belong to you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so then she belongs to you?”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t belong to anyone! She doesn’t belong to you people. <em> Controlling </em> her. <em> Using </em>her! Controlling everyone else through her...causing everyone so much pain! I’m going to free her from you. All of you!”</p>
<p>The Prince looks back at Kyuubei’s sword, and then at Kyuubei. There’s something calculating in his eyes and the softness in his features is all gone. His smile has vanished completely, and there is something so piercing in the way he looks down at Kyuubei that they feel their stomach stir uneasily.</p>
<p>“A child like you wouldn’t understand the reasons for which the Rose Bride exists,” he finally says. There is more weight in his voice. “There is no <em> saving </em>her. She chose this for herself.”</p>
<p>“But she’s suffering!” Kyuubei cries out. “Her smiles are fake! Her cheerfulness is fake! She’s always hurting, and you don’t care!” Kyuubei thinks of all the times they’ve been with her. Whenever she pretended to be comfortable with them, with anything she was told to do. Seeing her stand on the edge like this, the image of her at the rooftop last night won’t leave Kyuubei’s mind. Tae was hurting so much that she chose death over her living with the pain. </p>
<p>Kyuubei pulls their sword to the side and throws themself towards the Prince, who defends by quickly bringing up his own blade. “She’s hurting because of you!”</p>
<p>The clash of the swords rings through the air loudly, metal scratching violently against metal. The Prince grunts, having to give up on his indifferent posture. </p>
<p>“Do you really think she’s completely innocent?” he demands. “Do you think Shimura Tae had no say in any of this?”</p>
<p>“Shut up!”</p>
<p>“You really think she just let us do whatever we wanted with her?” he asks over the sound of the swords. “Like she had no consent on any of this? Like she didn’t enjoy manipulating your friends? Like she did <em> nothing </em>wrong?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s grip on the sword slips against the tremendous amount of force the Prince is now exerting, and before they know it, their blade slides against the Prince’s, who turns around to dodge the blow from Kyuubei and then pushes their body away with a strong kick to their stomach.</p>
<p>Kyuubei lands on the ground at a distance from where he stands, towards Tae. Their sword slides another couple of feet away from them and they lay on the ground in pain, heaving and clutching onto their stomach, struggling to recover from the harsh blow.</p>
<p><em> Get up, </em> they tell themself. <em> Get up! </em></p>
<p>Through the hair falling on their face, they can see Tae rushing towards them. “Stop!” they manage to gasp out, and she does.</p>
<p>“But—”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Tae. I’ll be okay.” Kyuubei extends their arm towards their sword and pushes against the ground to drag their body forward, trying to bring themself closer to the weapon. “It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“You think you’re fighting this noble fight for her,” the Prince says behind them. “Do you know of the things she’s done? Do you know anything at all?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei doesn’t respond, desperately reaching out to their sword.</p>
<p>“Do you know what you’re even fighting for?”</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>“She’ll do whatever it takes, to fulfil her role as the Rose Bride. <em> That’s </em>the fate she’s chosen! That’s what the Rose Bride is for!”</p>
<p>
  <em> Keep pushing. You’re almost there. </em>
</p>
<p>“Shimura Tae is not who you think she is!”</p>
<p>“I don’t care!” Kyuubei suddenly cries out and he falls silent. They continue pulling their body against the smooth surface. “I don’t care about any of that! I don’t care about the terrible things she’s done! I don’t care to know about what all she’s done. <em> I don’t care! </em> ” Their fingertips reach the hilt, and with one last push they wrap their fingers around it. “So what if she’s done things that were wrong? She’s still Shimura Tae. She’s still a <em> person </em>!” </p>
<p>Wheezing, they begin to push themself back on their trembling legs. </p>
<p>“She still feels pain. She <em> feels. </em> She cares for things that matter to her. She cares for her roses. She cares for Jugem-Jugem. She likes to cook no matter how bad she is at it. She likes reading. She cares, even in her own strange ways, for <em> you </em>. She cares for the ones close to her. She cares!” Kyuubei is back on their feet, not looking the Rose Bride in the eye. They turn back around to face the Prince. “That’s what I’m saving her for. I’m saving her for Shimura Tae.” Once again, Kyuubei raises the sword at the Prince. “I will save Tae from you. From those blades.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t say anything for a long, drawn moment. He studies them; both of them. First Kyuubei, then Tae, and then Kyuubei again. His sword is down, still not perceiving Kyuubei as a real threat to him. </p>
<p>“So, after all these years,” he says, resting his other hand on his waist and shifting his weight onto one leg, “you still want to become her prince?”</p>
<p>Something about those words pricks at Kyuubei, but they remain still and unmoving from their stance.</p>
<p>“All that about how caring she is.” He gestures his blade slightly at Tae. “You think she cares for you? Perhaps you think that because she cares for you,” he scoffs, “she loves you? Like you love her?” The words roll like poison from his tongue. Kyuubei swallows and clenches the sword tighter. “Or is that even love? Isn’t that weird? You’re both girls aren’t you?”</p>
<p>The burning sensation within Kyuubei is unbearable now.</p>
<p>“Or maybe you think that once you become her Prince, you could love her properly? And expect that love in return? Is that it?”</p>
<p>Something snaps in Kyuubei. They charge at him despite their body resisting. Kyuubei’s legs feel weak and they don’t like it.  <em> Fight, legs. Move! </em>Their swords clash and this time, the Prince takes it seriously, deflecting each subsequent slash with effort. He returns Kyuubei’s attacks with equal, if not more, force. Kyuubei’s insides are screaming in agony but they pull themself together with every blow, focussing all their attention on getting their blade to reach him, to make some damage.</p>
<p>“Haven’t you hurt her as well?” he calls out between the sound of the clashing swords. “Haven’t you ‘owned’ her as well? Pretending to know what is good for her, what is bad for her.” With another strong blow to their sword, he pushes Kyuubei back. Kyuubei manages to stay on their feet, balancing their body with all the strength they have. “Pretending you were ‘saving’ her when in reality you just wanted to reach your ideals. Wasn’t that wrong of <em> you </em>?”</p>
<p>Kyuubei is gasping for breath, staring at the ground beneath his feet. Each blow is taking a toll on their body. Even the adrenaline can’t keep up with the chaos in Kyuubei’s mind.</p>
<p>“Act like a prince all you want. Underneath it all, you’re still just that naive, little girl.”</p>
<p>At that, they let out a louder cry, charging at him once again. Kyuubei’s attacks are rougher, but they’re filled with the rage that’s been building up within them. The Prince falls silent, having trouble keeping up with Kyuubei’s pace. Another loud clash, and this time, they both fall away from each other.  </p>
<p>“I don’t care! I <em> will </em>save her from you!” </p>
<p>The Prince’s face contorts in frustration and he rushes towards them. For a moment, Kyuubei can see the fire in his eyes—the anger—something they’ve never seen in any of the other duelists. They’ve never seen the chairperson lose their calm like this. The ground beneath them shakes, first lightly, and then with every exchange, the platform shakes harder. There are loud creaks from the castle above, while the tremors beneath them continue to grow in intensity. </p>
<p>“<em> Dios… </em>” The Prince murmurs, just barely deflecting another attack.</p>
<p>The castle above them breaks.</p>
<p>The so-called eternal building is breaking as they fight. Parts of it start falling down—the tip of the towers, the central dome, and then everything else holding the structure together starts falling apart. The debris rains down on the duelling platform. The Prince manages to bring some distance between him and Kyuubei, and steps back momentarily, horrified at the scene unfolding above him. He’s been losing his composure, but it seems like this is his breaking point.</p>
<p>Kyuubei takes their chance and attacks him, using the distraction to their advantage and gaining an edge over the Prince, forcing him into defense and giving him no chance to attack. The castle rains down on them, making the ground shake violently beneath them but Kyuubei is quick on their toes.</p>
<p>He falls back till he’s nearing the edge, nearing Tae. He takes his chance when he finds an opening and ducks beneath Kyuubei’s arm as they prepare for another attack. He successfully dodges Kyuubei’s blade and finds himself next to Tae, who can only look back at him in shock. In a desperate attempt at defense, the Prince grabs Tae by her arm and throws her towards Kyuubei. Kyuupei gasps on seeing Tae, being brought out of their intense concentration within a fraction of a second and quickly withdrawing their sword to support Tae in order to keep her from falling.</p>
<p>“You bastard!” Kyuubei sidesteps Tae and throws an arm in front of her. “Stay back,” they warn Tae in a low, harsh whisper.</p>
<p>The Prince, however, has recollected himself. He’s not on guard but his eyes are firmly on Tae. Kyuubei points their sword at him as a warning, stepping in front of Tae to hide her from his view.</p>
<p>As they prepare to charge, Kyuubei feels Tae shuffle behind them, slowly drawing herself closer to them. Kyuubei stops where they are. Tae brings her body in contact with Kyuubei’s and they momentarily freeze as Tae’s chest presses against Kyuubei’s back. She brings her arm below theirs to place her own hand on Kyuubei’s shoulder and press herself closer to them. They’re surprised, but take comfort in her warmth, in knowing that she trusts them so; that she trusts them to protect her from the man before them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>Until a sword digs into their back. </p>
<p>Kyuubei looks down and finds a blade sticking out their stomach, the metal rattling with their trembling body. First there is unbearable pain, but it dissipates as Kyuubei’s senses seem to go numb. Whether their body is numb with pain or shock, Kyuubei doesn’t know.</p>
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  <em> “You’re a girl,” Tae whispers into Kyuubei’s ear and swiftly pulls out the sword. “You can never become my prince.” </em>
</p>
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<p>
  <b>20.</b>
</p>
<p>The Prince makes his way to the Rose Gate which has appeared right next to the duelling stage. He walks down the bridge leading to the gate, now in possession of Kyuubei’s sword which the Rose Bride had presented to him. Meanwhile, Shimura Tae has been sent to face the Swords of Hatred. The sight of the Prince’s Sword is said to stir the million swords which shine with human hatred. However, the Rose Bride chooses to take the swords in place of the prince and take on that hatred to save the Prince. That is the destiny of the Rose Bride.</p>
<p>And true to her role, Shimura Tae has been suspended in the air, hundreds of feet above the duelling platform. She is stripped bare of her clothing to directly face the Swords of Hatred circling around her, with no way (or intention) of protecting herself.</p>
<p><em> Witch, witch, witch, witch, </em>the swords chant.</p>
<p>And as the Prince walks towards the gate, and as Shimura Tae braces herself for the swords with empty eyes, Kyuubei is lying on the ground, bleeding from where Tae had stabbed them. They’re calling out her name, again and again, begging for all of this to stop, despite the fact that it was Shimura Tae who had betrayed them and left them in this state.</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s screams don’t help. The swords take their aim at the Rose Bride and charge at her all at once.</p>
<p><em> “ </em> <b> <em>Tae!!</em> </b> <em> ” </em></p>
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<p>
  <b>21.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Such a gentle hearted girl. You still cry for her? Despite her betraying you?” </em>
</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s body is injured and weak. It seems to them that they don’t have the strength left to even weep. The bleeding hasn’t stopped, their throat is dry from screaming over and over again, and their tears flow slowly, steadily, helplessly. The sound of the swords is just a dull echo in Kyuubei’s mind.</p>
<p>
  <em> “Say, do you see that rose-shaped gate over there?” </em>
</p>
<p>The Prince has reached the gate and is using Kyuubei’s sword to break open the seal.</p>
<p>
  <em> “Beyond it lies the power of eternity. You could do anything with that power! But, it’s too much for you. You’re just a girl, aren’t you?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Shut up. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “That’s too bad. You could’ve saved that girl with that power. Isn’t that sad?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I said, shut up. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “You don’t have to be too sad, though! You made it all the way here, like we had promised! And for that, I will give you a kiss. A Prince’s kiss.” </em>
</p>
<p>Kyuubei punches the ground, hard, and peels themself from the floor. The vision of the young Prince disappears. Their pain is unbearable, and every inch of their body is screaming out in agony. Their vision is blinded with tears, their entire self trembling. Their senses gradually return and the pain only keeps growing. The dreadful screech of the swords returns, too.</p>
<p>“T...Tae…” Kyuubei struggles to choke out. </p>
<p>Up above, the million swords pierce through every part of Tae’s body. There’s only the sight of the swords and the Tae’s figure has drowned in the sea of metal. She doesn’t scream. She doesn’t cry. She simply takes on the pain, like she always has.</p>
<p>“P...Please…!”</p>
<p>Kyuubei hopes and prays, to whatever powers are out there, that they can use their remaining breaths to get to that gate. They have to make it. Kyuubei <em> has </em> to save her from all this.</p>
<p>At the gate, the Prince has broken Kyuubei’s swords with repeated blows to the sealed gate in an attempt to open it. Even the vines and shrubs growing against the marble have been left unharmed, yet the blade of a noble duelist, a repeated champion, has been shattered.</p>
<p>Disappointed, the Prince falls back from the gate. He turns around to leave, but stops in his tracks when he sees Kyuubei there, at the other end of the bridge between the Rose Gate and the platform. He’s taken aback as he watches them stumbling their way towards him—no, towards the Rose Gate.</p>
<p>“I’m surprised you’re standing at all,” he says, and the surprise does show in his voice.</p>
<p>Kyuubei grunts and moans as they walk, leaving a trail of blood behind them, but they don’t stop. Neither do they respond.</p>
<p>“Do you really intend to try and open the gate yourself? There’s no use.”</p>
<p>Kyuubei keeps on walking and after a long, drawn moment, they are right in front of the Prince. They aren’t listening to him, making their way to the gate, one pathetic step at a time. The Prince stops in front of them, blocking their path and Kyuubei bumps their head against his chest.</p>
<p>“There’s no use, Kyuubei. The seal is unbroken. I couldn’t open it, so you can’t even think of—”</p>
<p>Kyuubei’s hands travel from his chest, to his neck, to his face and the nape of his neck and their nails dig in, moving him out of the way. He falls away from their path, cursing. Kyuubei stumbles forwards and falls.</p>
<p>He wants to say more, but he stops himself, dragging in a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Fine then! Do as you wish. Your stubbornness will get you nowhere.” Saying that, he walks the other way back to the platform.</p>
<p>Kyuubei pulls themself up again, this time faster, desperation dripping from each move they make. “Tae…” they whisper. Taking another look up at the blades, they let out a sob. “Tae!”</p>
<p>They grab onto the vines growing against the marble and pull them away. Gasping for breath, they try to pull at the crack between the two doors. As expected, the gate doesn’t budge but they keep pulling, harder and harder. Intense pain shoots through their body, and they cry out in agony, but don’t let go of the door. They’re screaming, crying, in terrible pain, but Kyuubei keeps pulling at the doors.</p>
<p>Behind Kyuubei, the Prince laughs. “You won’t be able to open that door on sheer persistence alone,” he calls out from the duelling stage. “Your princely acts won’t bring you power. That is not the way the world works. Your pretense has to end.”</p>
<p>“Shut <em> up </em> !” Kyuubei screams. “I don’t give a damn! I have to save her! I lo—” A louder sob escapes their lips. They breathe in and then cry out, “I love her…!” Their feet slip against the smooth floor, but they get up and keep on pulling. “I <em> know </em>! I know, dammit! I know I’m not a Prince!” At this point, they are gasping for breath and their senses have started to fall numb again, but they’re screaming as loud as they can. “I’m not a Princess either!” </p>
<p>Kyuubei’s nails have started to bleed, but they are no longer paying any heed to the pain and injury they’re inflicting on themself. </p>
<p>
  <em> “I’m Yagyu Kyuubei!”  </em>
</p>
<p><br/><br/>Their voice echoes through the tower, and suddenly, there is silence. It is quieter than death.</p>
<p><br/><br/>There is a clicking sound from inside the gate.</p>
<p><br/><br/>Above, the remaining swords have stopped mid air.</p>
<p><br/><br/>The crack between the doors slowly and gradually widens as Kyuubei pulls at them.</p>
<p><br/><br/>“What?!” The Prince shoots up, horrified, noticing the shadows of the blades on the ground have stopped moving. He looks up and all the swords are frozen in the air. He turns back to the gate, which has now taken the shape of a large, heavy metal door. It is very reminiscent of the one from Kyuubei’s dreams.</p>
<p>“No!” he yells at Kyuubei. His voice cracks. He’s panicking. “Don’t! Don’t open the door! Stop it!”</p>
<p>But Kyuubei is already pulling at it with their bleeding hands.</p>
<p>“Do you not know what will happen if you open that door?! <em> Don’t do it! </em>”</p>
<p>A crack opens through the metal door and the swords up above that are crowded around Tae suddenly repel away from the centre, as though there were some sudden explosion up in the air. Tae is no longer there at the centre where she had been suspended before. The swords have dispersed to form a circular formation over the duelling arena again.</p>
<p>Even though it’s a small opening, Kyuubei opens the door with bloody hands and a broken body, and looks inside.</p>
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<p>
  <b>22.</b>
</p>
<p>“<em> Tae...Tae…!” </em></p>
<p>It’s dark. Somebody is calling out to her. Who could it be?</p>
<p>“Tae..! I’m here!”</p>
<p>Shimura Tae opens her eyes. She’s lying on the floor of a dark, damp room. She’s naked and bare, exposed to the light after so long. There is a metal door at the other side and it’s slowly opening, letting light leak inside.</p>
<p>“I came here to save you, Tae!”</p>
<p>It is the sound of a child. A little girl. It is the sound of someone she’s known. <em> A young girl… </em></p>
<p>No. This is different. </p>
<p>Living in the darkness all this while, the light streaming in is blinding. They cannot see the person at the door. “Who...are you?” Tae asks.</p>
<p>“I came all this way to be with you,” the child says. “Don’t be afraid. We can finally meet.”</p>
<p>Tae swallows. She knows she’s heard this voice before. It’s been years, but she remembers. There are vague memories, images flashing before her eyes.</p>
<p>The voice then changes. The figure at the door has started taking the shape of a person. The voice belongs to someone else, someone older now. </p>
<p>“<em> Tae…!”  </em></p>
<p>The light settles in on Tae’s eyes and her vision starts to grow clearer. At the door is a person her age. They’re wearing a black eye patch over one eye, their other eye brimming with tears. They’re pushing the door aside with their hands covered in blood and they’re sobbing, calling her name again and again.</p>
<p>“K...Kyuubei-sama…?”</p>
<p>As soon as she says their name, the person’s troubled expression disappears. A weak smile appears on their lips. “Tae...we meet, at last.”</p>
<p>At the sight of Kyuubei, memories of a dark, rainy night come flowing in. A strange, warm feeling greets Tae, the one who has been locked up for what seems like an eternity. Memories of a school, a dorm, a kind and gentle person; the person before her. Tae stares into the light, she looks at the duelist before her with a newfound shine in her eyes. They’re bleeding, they’re broken, but they’re here. <em> Yagyu Kyuubei </em>is here.</p>
<p>How could she have forgotten? Kyuubei had promised all those years ago that they would become her Prince. That they would save her from this misery.</p>
<p>This is a world where they can finally meet. Without the swords of hatred. Without Ohtori. Without the council persons. Without the Prince.</p>
<p>“Kyuubei-sama!” </p>
<p><em> The power of miracles. </em>Kyuubei has reached all this way, fought all this while to reach her. Tears well up in Tae’s eyes as she watches Kyuubei trying to squeeze their upper body through the door and reach out to her. </p>
<p>The structure behind Kyuubei is shaking violently, but Kyuubei keeps their hand in place, trying to reach through the heavy metal door, getting further and further in.</p>
<p>“Tae, give me your hand!” they say over the sound of chaos outside.</p>
<p>“No, Kyuubei-sama!” Tae is crying, too. “The swords will—!”</p>
<p>“Take my hand! <em> Please! </em>” Kyuubei’s bloodied hand hangs in the air between them and a heavy weight lodges itself in Tae’s throat.</p>
<p>“Kyuubei-sama, if you don’t get out now, you’ll…!”</p>
<p>“Your hand!” Kyuubei won’t listen to Tae. After all, they didn’t come this far just to abandon her.</p>
<p>Tae looks away, blinking away her tears. She can’t control her sobs. “Kyuubei-sama...please…”</p>
<p>“<em> Now </em>!”</p>
<p>Tae gives in. No matter how much she denies it, she wants this. Just as much as Kyuubei wants it. She wants to reach out to this new world, to Kyuubei. She wants to live with them, <em> be </em>with them. She wants this freedom, too. She craves it. All her years of being empty, but Kyuubei comes along to fill that void and teaches her how to feel again. </p>
<p>The empty heart of the Rose Bride has been filled again; filled with love.</p>
<p>Tae wants to feel. She wants to feel more and more. She wants to experience all of that. With Kyuubei. The only person to accept her for who she is, regardless of what she’s done. </p>
<p>The only person who truly loved her, flaws and all.</p>
<p>Tae extends her hand towards Kyuubei.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/><br/><br/><br/>There’s a loud explosion behind Kyuubei and the  duelling arena starts falling apart. The room rattles wildly, and after the brief moment where their fingertips touch, Tae is falling away from Kyuubei. </p>
<p>She screams out their name, but she’s falling further and further away, until Kyuubei disappears from her sight.</p>
<p>“<em> Kyuubei-sama! </em>”</p>
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<p>The swords fly around violently. Kyuubei’s hand stays where Tae’s once was. The room is gone. Tae is gone.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry...for pretending to be a Prince,” they say to her. “I’m sorry...I couldn’t save you…”</p>
<p>The swirling swords form a large wave, whirring at great speeds and cutting through the air, making their way towards Kyuubei now that the Rose Bride is gone.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry...Tae…”</p>
<p>The sound of the swords is closer now, louder, <em> louder.  </em></p>
<p>In the next moment, everything disappears to black.</p>
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<p>
  <b>23.</b>
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<p>Classes have dispersed. There is chatter in the hallways as the students walk out of their classrooms. It’s just another day in Ohtori. Some students head for their clubs, some head to their dorms, some stay in the hallways, some hide away from the others, cocooning themselves in their own company.</p>
<p>Nobody bats an eye on the locked glass greenhouse. Or talks about the missing Ohtori student.</p>
<p>Tae watches out the window of her empty classroom; watches over the students, like she always has. She’s silent, there’s nothing going through her mind except one thought.</p>
<p>She closes her notebook with a snap, and walks out of the room.</p>
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<p>
  <strong>24.</strong>
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<p>“We expect the same from you, Shimura Tae,” the woman says, shuffling the letters with Rose Seals on them. “The same as usual.”</p>
<p>“The duelist is gone now,” the man at the end of the table says. “Another tragedy of this world. But that is what it turned out to be. We have no choice but to move on.”</p>
<p>The woman hands out the letters to Tae, who simply stares at them. She lets a long moment pass like this, till the council persons sitting across her start feeling a type of tension settle in the air. <em> She could take the letters but… </em></p>
<p>Tae laughs. The woman before her gasps. “Shimura?”</p>
<p>“You really have no idea do you,” Tae says, still laughing. “Fine by me. Remain in this weird little coffin of yours. Keep playing your duelling games.” She stops laughing. Eyeing each of them in the eye one by one, she smiles her usual, devious, Rose-Bride-smile at them. “I have to go now. Have fun here. All of you.” </p>
<p>She maintains longer eye contact with the Prince, who is seated at the middle of the table before she stands and turns around to leave.</p>
<p>“Wh...what?!” he speaks out, almost at a loss of words. “What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“They aren’t gone,” Tae says as she continues walking towards the door. “Kyuubei isn’t gone. They’ve just left your pitiful school is all.”</p>
<p>“Where are you going?! Tae!”</p>
<p>“Goodbye.”</p>
<p>The door shuts, and the council persons are left to themselves, all marinating in their shock and surprise.</p>
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  <em> “I will find you, Kyuubei.” </em>
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<p>
  <b>25.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> In a land far, far away (a land we are probably not very familiar with), lives a family reputed for their great swordsmanship. Leading the family is a young leader, whose skills of swordsmanship are known far and wide, even though their small stature may not speak for their superior abilities. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> At the gate of said clan’s house stands a young woman in a pink yukata. Instead of roses, there are sakura petals on her clothing. She holds a cloth bag which contains a bento, the contents of which can perhaps be classified as radioactive.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> The young leader, who is passing by the front garden after their lessons, looks to their gate with their one uncovered eye and they stop in their tracks.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “T..Tae-chan,” they say and for some reason, their voice is filled with emotion that is uncharacteristic of a leader such as them.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Kyuu-chan,” the young woman in the pink yukata says. She holds up her bag and smiles. Something shines in the young leader’s eyes and a large grin appears on their face. </em>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>“We have a date, don’t we?”</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>END</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay so this was...emotionally exhausting. this has been my longest "ship" fic till date. hah.</p>
<p>in order to stay true to the ikuhara storytelling in utena, i tried to make a dig at not only treatment of non-cishet-males in society and media, i also decided to use this opportunity to dig at fandom (ESPECIALLY gintama fandom because. whew!) whether i was able to put those messages across...well. that's for you to decide! </p>
<p>please let me know your thoughts! leave a 'kudos' if you enjoyed reading this self-indulgent mess.</p>
<p>('blades and thorns' has a seperate doc worth 4k words of meta so if anyone is interested in knowing about my hashtag 'thought process' while writing this fic, feel free to reach out to me via <a href="https://twitter.com/tsukkisachi">twitter</a> and <a href="https://21tailsofwoe.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!! also feel free to reach out for kyutae related things in general. god knows this pairing deserves more.)</p>
<p>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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